“I cannot identify with the images of sexuality I see in the media”
“The flame with my partner has died out”
“I feel like I’m just going through the motions”
“I have no idea how my body or arousal works”
“My body has changed, and I don’t know how to navigate it any more”
“I don’t know how to manage my arousal and sexual attraction, it feels too strong to tame!”
“I wish I didn’t rely so much on pornography”
“I can’t get rid of feelings of shame and anxiety around my body and sexuality”
“I’ve never had an orgasm”
What do I mean by sexuality?
When I use the word sex, I am referring to bodily desire, instincts, arousal, and feelings of attraction. These are inner sensations that are completely unique for each individual.
This is the rawest and most basic energy that exists, and perhaps the most powerful. It is life itself, the reason we came into being. When we cut ourselves off from it, we cut ourselves off from ourselves.
When I use the word sexuality I’m describing how that basic drive is influenced by the world around us, and how it expresses itself through biological, physical, psychological, emotional and social feelings and behaviours. In other words, our relationship to sex.
Why is sexuality so important ?
It shapes our identity and our psychology. It directs how we interact with the world around us. It is a central part of our culture, politics, legal system, and religious organisations. From ethics to art, from spirituality to bodily experience, within sexuality you can find every imaginable aspect of humanity .
But despite its undeniable presence, it’s a huge taboo!
Often banished to the unconscious, it’s here that we may come across the most forgotten, rejected and shadowy sides of ourselves, old beliefs, wounds and behavioural patterns that are crying out for attention and transformation. To pass this part of ourselves by is simply not an option for those who are on a path of self-understanding.
Sexuality as a bodily experience…
Sensations of pleasure, the feeling of touch, an increasing heart rate, the body relaxing and releasing tension, perhaps even sensing shifts in subtle energies, or a cocktail of hormones that spreads through the body…
A powerful door to embodied awareness is observing your own sexual mechanisms.
When working with embodiment, we work with the body in its wholeness. Whether directly or indirectly, your sexuality will be affected when you focus on your bodily sensations, release psycho-emotional blockages, gradually wake up dormant life energy, and get it circulating freely again.
Learning about your Self…
In a tantric way of viewing things, in the one there are many, and in the many there is oneness. When we observe closely one aspect of ourselves, we can learn about many of our different facets. As sex is such a powerful energy, bringing attention to it, through sensorial meditation and self enquiry, can dramatically increase self awareness in all areas of life.
Healing through pleasure
Given the interconnections between our emotions, nervous system, and sexual energy, I am convinced that healing through pleasure is a very legitimate and effective way to :
- Calm the nervous system and reduce stress and anxiety
- Let go of energetic and emotional blockages
- Let go of thoughts and embody yourself in the present moment
- Cultivate stability and balance in the body-mind-emotions
- Cultivate vitality (or life energy), and even use it to heal illnesses
Creating a fulfilling intimate life requires self-understanding as well as interpersonal skills.
These are skills we can learn…
Sexuality and the body
- How to slow down, savour, and truly experience pleasure through the senses, when you are so used to being in your head?
- How to understand your pleasure anatomy, and alternative ways of experiencing pleasure?
- How to deal with scars and disabilities that may inhibit your ability to experience pleasure?
- How to influence or manage your own sexual experience?
- How to explore the sensations of your body and develop your orgasmic potential?
Sexuality and relationships
- How to transform a sexual exchange from expectations, codependency, and unconscious scripts to an authentic shared experience?
- How to communicate comfortably what you want, and what you don’t want?
- How to negotiate your differences openly with a partner and create an experience that suits you both?
- How to learn about your partner and what they like?
- How to create more intimacy and connection during sex?
- How to express your sexual self to a partner without shame?
Intimacy coaching :
An EMBODIED approach
Using embodiment techniques involves increasing your awareness over the physical and emotional sensations in your body, and gaining understanding over your inner mechanisms in relation to the issue you want to solve.
How is this applied to intimacy coaching?
Blending an embodied approach with intimacy coaching, We use sensorial experiences such as breath work, movement, bodywork, sound, words and imagery so that you can explore your inner landscape, and cultivate body awareness as a direct way to understanding your sexual mechanisms. Amongst other things, we explore conscious communication, boundaries and consent in intimate exchanges, the anatomy of pleasure, the art of giving and receiving, channelling your sexual energy, and exploring what really works for you.
What role does it have in conscious sexuality?
As pleasure and desire are bodily experiences, understanding through experiencing is often more powerful than understanding through logic alone. These sessions guide you in developing new skills and understanding around your sexuality, in order to work through problems, expand your intimate life and explore your orgasmic potential.
Bodywork techniques in intimacy coaching
Trained in sexological bodyworkTM (a form of somatic sex education), I am qualified to use intimate touch as part of a therapeutic or educational process. Working with touch is extremely powerful and has a direct effect on the nervous system and the body’s memory. It’s a way of learning about your body that is vastly more profound than logic alone, and can be transformative, directly changing your relationship to yourself. I will not necessarily use touch in a session, but it’s a valuable option.
Some examples of using intimate bodywork may be:
- Exploring and identifying sensations to create a better understanding of your body
- Breaking down scar tissue from a surgery to enable better circulation and more sensation to a specific zone
- Sensorial meditation – simply observing your inner experience during touch
- Introducing compassionate touch to places in your body that contain shame or that may have experienced abuse.
I adhere to the Sexological bodywork code of ethics.
Using embodiment principles to explore and transform inner realities
Teach your logical brain, your conscious awareness, to become fluent in the language of your emotional brain, in order to navigate between the two systems and integrate them more effectively into your life. Cultivate an understanding of your own internal mechanisms, and develop the ability to acknowledge, interpret, and express your emotions appropriately, using their wisdom to guide you.
Cultivate a sense of who you are and where you stand amongst others, noticing and embracing their differences, yet remaining true to yourself and your values. Explore where you feel stuck in your relationships, what ways of relating hold you back, and develop new perspectives and behaviours that will encourage interactions that bring out the best in you, that provide support and stability, that lift you up and make you grow.
Explore and discover the many possibilities of healing, self understanding, and personal fulfilment that can be found within your own sexuality. Whether it’s learning about your body, developing a fulfilling intimate life with your partner, developing your orgasmic potential, or cultivating self awareness, learn how to bring your bodily experience to the center of your attention, and work with your own inner mechanisms.