Under the surface
Here are some quotes from various people that describe their experience of sexuality:-
“It’s a big, messy, knotty jumble in my psychology. Beliefs, ideas, images from childhood and the society. Body, mind, emotions – impossible to unravel. “
“It’s my identity: how I see myself and show myself to the world.”
“It’s just instinct, a kind of impulse.”
“It’s forbidden. It’s naughty. It goes against everything I ever learned about what’s right and wrong.”
“It’s one of the the deepest and most divine experiences that exists. Turning inwards to my most intimate inner world, and turning outwards to meet the other in theirs.”
“It feels nice.”
“It’s an impossible meeting of people who’ve got to navigate through their differences.”
“It’s rejection.”
Translating the feeling world into the spoken or written word is no easy feat. As soon as you try to describe your inner experience of something, you risk sounding childish, poetic or esoteric, none of which give much sense of credibility.
When we start doing inner work based on emotions and sexuality, we enter into subjective territory. Different experiences, different stages, different processes, a different use of language… The possibilities for misinterpretation are everywhere.
Most importantly there’s the fact that everyone experiences the outer world differently, based on how they are wired neurologically. Some people are more visual, some more intellectual, others more based in the body or the senses. For example, how could one of my clients, who experiences life through a feeling state, truly understand what it means to be attracted to somebody based on their appearance? “I’m attracted to someone based on their scent, and the way they make me feel” she explained. Fantasies for her are based on sensations, and have no visual images to them. Compare this to the client who is driven to distraction by high libido and incessant visual imagery! I know people who have no idea about how seduction works and why it even exists at all, and others who would experience life as boring and insipid without it. Some people’s neurology means that it is impossible for them to have an experience without it being immersed in emotions, others may have to work to develop empathy and compassion.
The more I work with people in the realms of emotions and sexuality, the more amazed I become over the diversity of humanity’s inner experiences. Because they are subjects we normally don’t talk about in everyday life, we are often not aware of just how different our experience is from the person next to us.
How do YOU experience the world?
How does your mind work? Do you think predominantly in terms of pictures, or through symbols that represent concepts? Through sensations? Or do you think with words or in terms of interactions with others?
Do you learn through watching, through listening, through doing?
Does the idea of pain and cruelty scare you or thrill you?
How do you express love and affection? Through words or through actions? What kind?
Do you experience your sexuality more through your senses or your mind? Is is based on relating? On sensuality? On instinct?
How does the way you express yourself reveal how you experience the world?
There is no end to the sheer variety of human experience, of what goes on under the surface. Stuff that is so ingrained in our view of the world that we don’t even notice it. Things we take for granted that might not even exist at all for another person… Bringing awareness to our similarities and differences, and knowing how we function and what works for us means we can choose situations that better fit our needs, and on the other side, it also means we can decide to develop parts of us that are less present, in order to have more range in our expression and more choice in our life in general.
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